I was pregnant on 9/11. Here’s how my fear became my daughter’s biology
Today’s newsletter was inspired by the article, “Trauma’s Genetic Imprint on Children Requires Targeted Therapeutic Interventions.” For many years, I’ve been fascinated by attachment theory, epigenetics, and trauma-informed care. On the anniversary of 9/11, I wonder how the events of that day and the days that followed have influenced my children.
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On my way to drop off my 2- and 4-year-old at preschool, three months pregnant with baby #3, a reporter broke into my pop music station. A plane just flew into the World Trade Center.
I remember thinking, “Oh wow! What a horrible accident.”
I dropped off my babies and stopped at the office to prep for a workshop I was giving that night. Everyone was huddled around a tiny TV, watching the horror unfold on the screen. The second plane just hit. This was no accident.
9/11 changed everything.
It shattered our sense of safety. It led to months and months of insecurity, fear, and grief.
We figured out how to navigate our new normal. But the world changed, and we had to change with it.
We stopped letting our children play outside unattended. We tried to shield our children from the scary world outside our doors.
Fast Forward Ten Years
My mom friends are having conversations about how their 9- and 10-year-olds are struggling to handle adversity. There’s an anxiousness and impulsiveness they can’t explain.
I noticed it too. My older two children seem to take things in stride more than baby #3. I see the same differences in my children’s friends. But I couldn’t put my finger on what was going on.
When I started studying epigenetics, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES), and trauma-informed care, ideas started swirling about early relationships, attachment, and trust. I’m not a scientist or a researcher, but I am a mom and an educator. When I see patterns in behaviors, in my own children and in early childhood classrooms, I try to figure out why.
Connecting the Dots
Could it be possible that the fear and anxiety I felt when I was pregnant with baby #3 changed how she would grow and develop? There’s certainly an epigenetic link between prenatal development and the mother’s hormones. There’s definitely a connection between anxious parenting and a child’s attachment style.
I used to tell my children that my favorite body part was their belly button because that’s where they were connected to me. But what if that same connection was also the source of baby #3’s anxiety and mood swings? What if my stress hormones were transmitted to her through that belly button connection? That’s the crux of epigenetics. And I have no way of knowing.
I wonder if the acid reflux baby #3 had, with nine months of projectile vomiting and daily bouts of crying and discomfort, was caused by my stress hormones and my anxiety.
Baby #3’s first three years of life, the most critical stage of development, were overshadowed by the uncertainty in everything going on in the world. Cue the 24-hour news cycle. The recovery efforts. The horrifying images dominating every news cycle for over a year.
I like to think that my children had a happy childhood, but every year on the anniversary of 9/11, I can’t help but wonder if the collective trauma we experienced was somehow imprinted in Baby #3’s DNA in a way that it did not affect my older children.
Did my fear really change my parenting that much? Could my desire to keep Baby #3 safe have shaped how she made friends?
What About the iPhone?
Yes, this ubiquitous device was introduced in 2012, but think back to the early days of smartphones. They were not in everyone’s hands. They were not as easily accessible.
I don’t think the use of smartphones captures how deeply 9/11 changed our culture, our relationships, and our institutions…
Read the full article on Subtack.
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