Are you playing the right game?

When chaos erupts, do you know what game to play?

I could hear the screaming from down the hall.

If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that a child was being tortured.

When I walked in, Joey was howling. Ms. Jackie was examining the bite marks on his arm.

Marcus was tugging on her sleeve, tears in his eyes, pointing at the blocks.

Ms. Jackie looked at me, desperation on her face, and mouthed, “Help!”

I’m sure you’ve seen this in your own program. And the tears aren’t always just from the children.

How do you juggle the demands and needs of the children while trying to maintain some semblance of calm and order?

My response is always that there is no magic wand, and there is no single strategy that works for all children.

This is not the response anyone wants to hear.

All behaviors are a form of communication.

When we reframe behaviors as a way of communicating, we start to unravel what children are trying to tell us.

Sophie singing a made-up song while she’s painting? Pure joy.

Marcus biting when Joey knocked over his blocks? Anger and frustration.

Theo spinning on the floor during morning meeting? Probably boredom

Put on Your Sherlock Holmes Detective Hat

Start investigating what a child’s behavior is really saying.

• • Does Joey need a hug, a friend, or support?
  • What else will spark Sophie’s happiness?
  • Does Theo need a shorter morning meeting?

The challenge is not getting caught up in the emotion of the moment.

Basic instincts kick in, and we immediately try to calm the screamer (Joey), while simultaneously chastising the biter (Marcus).

It’s impossible to “fix” a situation when emotions are high.

Unfortunately, big emotional outbursts from small children naturally send our nervous systems into overdrive. Our knee-jerk reaction is to try to make it stop.

And then we get frustrated when that doesn’t work.

“The game is afoot!”

(from The Adventure of the Final Problem, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)

What if we take a different approach to The Fixing game?

I know, easier said than done.

An incident report to file. Parents to call. A Band-Aid and hug for Joey. Redirection for Marcus.

And 18 other children clamoring for attention.

BUT – is your current approach working? (Maybe not)

Do these situations occur on the daily? (Probably so)

It might just be time to play a different game.

The Real Doctor Watson is YOU!

Instead of constantly reacting, the new game to play is Prevention.

How do you play that game? (I’m so glad you asked!)

After the situation has settled, that’s when the game begins.

Dig into your detective’s bag of tricks and pull out your curiosity and reflection skills.

• Is there a time of day or certain activity when things go off the rails? (transitions)
• Was this a one-off interaction or a daily occurrence? (Every. Day)
• Was there a trigger to the behavior? (Maybe)
• Did you do something different? (A change in routine, a snow day)

You may never know exactly what is causing the behavior. It’s often a reaction to something – an emotion that they don’t understand or a frustration they can’t describe.

Not sure how to play the Prevention game?

Find the rules of the game on my Substack.